overwhelmingly…

outrageously…

heavy.

i feel so dense.

..

…

why do i feel like this?

is this the result..

of spoiling myself..

and do nothing but be myself??

is it really rude..is it really unfair??

am i unfair?

i felt so nice to be acting a whole lot of myself..
and then so suddenly..

it was so sudden…

that i felt sad—no, it’s not sadness— the word ‘sad’ will be an understatement..

i felt worse than that.

and then what?

i felt so guilty.

why do i have to feel guilty when i know fully well for myself that i have done nothing wrong..

nothing..

i just made myself a treat.. in this last..what? five, six days??

and now? the feel of regret? no..this isn’t regret..
but i think..it is a bit of regret, so much that i want to deny that..

i dont want to regret having fun, in indulging myself to be me.

free of worries..pressures…and all of the things around me.
i have nothing but me.

is it really that bad to be selfish, even for this one time?

and now, it’s starting to flow against me,
the once caring and gentle wave that carried me flawlessly..
is now out of control—it’s whipping with full energy to push me off..
throwing me all around helplessly..

and i can’t seem to grasp..
what’s really happening..

what did i do??
is it really bad to swim and indulge to the vast, deep, quiet, and peaceful waters? for my one wish to be alone with myself..
and now..like a roar from a hungry lion, it washes me away..
left and right , up and down.. i was carried helplessly like a ragged doll..
…

i do not know what i want anymore..

and i dont like this feeling i am feeling right now..

why is it always like this??

hah.
i can’t believe i have fooled myself into thinking that i can be at the very least happy.
this made me realize that…
i can never be happy–no! and nothing will ever change that fact.

i must not be happy.

when i know that it’s going to be like this each and every time that my heart flutters with joy, that i would be definitely be feeling devastatingly wrong afterwards…

who wants happiness??

not me.
i have to always remind myself.
i can’t be happy.

i have a runny nose… XD
hey.. ._. whatever..
i dun haf tym to argue now..

having colds and coughing like this.
this is hell.
>_<

the doctor told me to return to the health service for follow-up check-ups…
but yah… you guessed just right.
i didn’t showed up today! XD

nah..i was so tired..
and duh. fed up with this disturbing coughing and sneezing in the middle of the crowded people at school…its really troublesome.

and oh..i managed to get the papers my father asked me to get for him.
and and and.. (pauses to sneeze)

grrr…disgusting..this is..
i feel dizzy..

x_x
the doctor said im gonna have a flu..

urk.
i might throw up again.

———-

wah..
im really depressed..

bUmmiEs!
i gotta write summaries for my friend. ^0^
well, i promised her that i’d do so as soon as possible.
yeah, after the exam week, that is.

whoa.
i feel good right now.
thanks for the talk arrianne!
hahaha!!
im so lucky to have her around..
and oh btw..
ima go home with my cousin today!
im so happy~
XD
im going to sleep…lol

so there you have it.
i’ll update here when i get the pc on,
when i get home. lol

jaa~

–just like what kurochan told me..
fake laughs..
sigh
so this is how hollowness feels..
but i think its not
coz i still feel it
lol
anyways..
i gotta go!
see ya!
and neh… i might get myself a break from here..
oh yah.. i WILL TRY TO get myself into studying.

please pray for me.

with lots of love,
take care!

feast of the black nazarene

and there’s no classes for us——— \o/

yet i feel …

hungry..

(gonna go grab some bite)

take care!

i dont want to study yet———-lol

ehehehe

^-^

hurrah!!

yipee!!

aahahaha

im insanely happy…lol what?

i watched bleach 142-149 today

ahahaha while sneaking into teh pc

ahahahahaha.. XDD

well…a lot of things have happened and i’ve realized a lot of things too. i can see things in a whole lot of fresher view now more than i have thought i had been.

i wish to continue blogging on this site..yipee^^

and um..im planning to create another one for my fanatic purposes..hiyaa!! ehehehe it’s really nice to be back in this world…my cyber world…oh yeah!

i wonder what lies ahead of me..

waddya think?

im still carefree as always…and still living my life at my very own leisure.

if i cant blog…here are the reasons(possibly):

—i died(of course! lol)

—i am too busy with other stuff (acad)

—there was something at home

—an accident

—on a date(like hell)

—sleeping

—eating

—watching anime

—reading manga

—cooking

—household chores

and that’s all.

whew.

what a day

im tired

well then

peace off!

^-^

sanctify me.

body of Christ,

save me.

water from the side of Christ,

wash me.

passion of Christ,

give me strength.

*chorus:

hear me Jesus,

hide me in thy wounds

that i may never leave thy side

from all the evils that surrounds me,

defend me.

and when the call of death arrives,

bid me come to thee

that i may praise thee

with thy saints…

forever.